Senses restricted, my physical self bound
My mind had shut off, protecting my soul
A story of birth was about to unfold
The birth of my son, so still so sweet
I was present but absent, I couldn’t believe
That this birth was happening, yet there was no joy
Just tears, and fears of seeing my baby boy
Without life, without breath, surrounded by love
His body was here, his spirit above
I looked through tears to my stillborn son
Frightened and Removed from what just had been done
An operating table, a doctor, a light and my tears
My husband, my baby, my life, my fears
All of these things in just a few minutes past
The numbness of my experience was bound to last
But one year later, on the day Baby Sterling was born
More than anything I can still feel how my heart was so torn
Between this world and heaven, between life and death
Is an existence that has continued with each blessed breath
Not of my son, of the life that was expected to be
But of his father and brother and yes, even me.
The me now is different, in a way hard to tell
The me now is stronger, more faithful and well
The me now will forever love, think and enjoy
The moments I had and will have with my boy
As he turns one year old in heaven today
We send him our Kisses, our love, and I will pray
That his spirit in heaven has allowed him to see
His family and friends sharing such love for thee
We speak of Sterling each and every day
He continues to be with us in remarkable ways
Through sights and sounds, and sometimes even dreams
This birthday should be celebrated as strange as that seems
He deserves to be honored, remembered, and held
Within my heart, my mind, and those that felt
Such sympathy and sadness for him and for us
We thank you, we love you, we can’t say enough
For the special people in our lives who helped us to
Keep loving, keep healing, keep pushing through
To this wonderful moment where I can now see
That birthdays are birthdays, and he will always be with me.
Posts
Beautiful Maria. Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven sweet Sterling xoxo
ReplyDeleteMaria, I haven't checked my blogs in such a very long time, but I was thinking of you and came to see your blog. I feel terrible that I missed your post here in August. It's just beautiful, and gave me chills as I read it. I am so thankful for you and your way of just putting emotion to words. When I can't get the words that describe my feelings, I know how quickly and easily you understand, and I remember how beautifully you put things... love you friend...
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