Friday, August 20, 2010

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

Flashes of light, silence all around

Senses restricted, my physical self bound

My mind had shut off, protecting my soul

A story of birth was about to unfold

The birth of my son, so still so sweet

I was present but absent, I couldn’t believe

That this birth was happening, yet there was no joy

Just tears, and fears of seeing my baby boy

Without life, without breath, surrounded by love

His body was here, his spirit above

I looked through tears to my stillborn son

Frightened and Removed from what just had been done

An operating table, a doctor, a light and my tears

My husband, my baby, my life, my fears

All of these things in just a few minutes past

The numbness of my experience was bound to last

But one year later, on the day Baby Sterling was born

More than anything I can still feel how my heart was so torn

Between this world and heaven, between life and death

Is an existence that has continued with each blessed breath

Not of my son, of the life that was expected to be

But of his father and brother and yes, even me.

The me now is different, in a way hard to tell

The me now is stronger, more faithful and well

The me now will forever love, think and enjoy

The moments I had and will have with my boy

As he turns one year old in heaven today

We send him our Kisses, our love, and I will pray

That his spirit in heaven has allowed him to see

His family and friends sharing such love for thee

We speak of Sterling each and every day

He continues to be with us in remarkable ways

Through sights and sounds, and sometimes even dreams

This birthday should be celebrated as strange as that seems

He deserves to be honored, remembered, and held

Within my heart, my mind, and those that felt

Such sympathy and sadness for him and for us

We thank you, we love you, we can’t say enough

For the special people in our lives who helped us to

Keep loving, keep healing, keep pushing through

To this wonderful moment where I can now see

That birthdays are birthdays, and he will always be with me.


  1. Beautiful Maria. Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven sweet Sterling xoxo

  2. Maria, I haven't checked my blogs in such a very long time, but I was thinking of you and came to see your blog. I feel terrible that I missed your post here in August. It's just beautiful, and gave me chills as I read it. I am so thankful for you and your way of just putting emotion to words. When I can't get the words that describe my feelings, I know how quickly and easily you understand, and I remember how beautifully you put things... love you friend...