"Never to be Forgotten" seems to be a common theme across some of my posts so far on this blog. This is a very real fear that is rarely spoken of when experiencing stillbirth. As a mother to a stillborn child, I intensely feel the fear of everyone else "forgetting" about the existance of my baby. Sterling did exist, we were connected, and I gave birth even though we lost his life before he was delivered. "I" will never forget the first time we saw his jazz hand waving at us, but will anyone else ever even know about it? Not unless I share his story. Not mine, but his story.
Baby Sterling's Story:
Sterling was a Christmas Baby. Conceived in late December 2008, and he became a real part of our lives on New Years Eve when the Clear Blue Digital flashed "PREGNANT". He was our special new years gift to each other, and we had so many expectations for the following year. 2009 was off to an amazing start and we were thrilled to be spending the next 9 months preparing our home, our family, and our hearts for this special angel. I will never forget that NYE. No Champagne toasts for me :)
Sterling decided to share with us very early that he was a boy. At our 16 week ultrasound, he made his "presence" known. We are very blessed to know so early that we had another son. For such a short time that we would have with him, we were able to talk to our son, August, about becoming a big brother and that he would have a little brother to play with. Two sons, two joys, two special angels. One one earth, and one in heaven. August never met his baby brother, Sterling. He would sing to him in my tummy almost every night. He would give him kisses in my tummy every night. It breaks our hearts that he will never be able to share that love and know how wonderful his love for his brother was. Is. Will always be.
Sterling still receives our love, our kisses, and our songs. We talk of him when we need to. We sing to him some evenings. August knows he's in heaven and is always there to listen. We blow kisses and catch them back and keep them in our hearts forever. For the rest of our lives our Baby Sterling will be a part of our family.
The hospital have us a gift of rememberance. A beautiful box with a ribbon the color of his birthstone. Peridot. His memory box holds a part of my heart that I gave to him the moment he was conceived. It will always be with him. We have a recognition certificate from the Chaplain at the hospital. We have a death certificate. We have the first and only blankets and beanies that he would ever wear. A locket of his chocolate brown hair, a tiny gold ring and a teddy bear that the nurses gave him. The only tangible pictures that we will ever have are from before birth and after death. His life was part of my life and only through my life. Those moments will never be exposed, but will remain imprinted on my heart and in my soul. Forever.
Baby Sterling's Story:
Sterling was a Christmas Baby. Conceived in late December 2008, and he became a real part of our lives on New Years Eve when the Clear Blue Digital flashed "PREGNANT". He was our special new years gift to each other, and we had so many expectations for the following year. 2009 was off to an amazing start and we were thrilled to be spending the next 9 months preparing our home, our family, and our hearts for this special angel. I will never forget that NYE. No Champagne toasts for me :)
Sterling decided to share with us very early that he was a boy. At our 16 week ultrasound, he made his "presence" known. We are very blessed to know so early that we had another son. For such a short time that we would have with him, we were able to talk to our son, August, about becoming a big brother and that he would have a little brother to play with. Two sons, two joys, two special angels. One one earth, and one in heaven. August never met his baby brother, Sterling. He would sing to him in my tummy almost every night. He would give him kisses in my tummy every night. It breaks our hearts that he will never be able to share that love and know how wonderful his love for his brother was. Is. Will always be.
Sterling still receives our love, our kisses, and our songs. We talk of him when we need to. We sing to him some evenings. August knows he's in heaven and is always there to listen. We blow kisses and catch them back and keep them in our hearts forever. For the rest of our lives our Baby Sterling will be a part of our family.
The hospital have us a gift of rememberance. A beautiful box with a ribbon the color of his birthstone. Peridot. His memory box holds a part of my heart that I gave to him the moment he was conceived. It will always be with him. We have a recognition certificate from the Chaplain at the hospital. We have a death certificate. We have the first and only blankets and beanies that he would ever wear. A locket of his chocolate brown hair, a tiny gold ring and a teddy bear that the nurses gave him. The only tangible pictures that we will ever have are from before birth and after death. His life was part of my life and only through my life. Those moments will never be exposed, but will remain imprinted on my heart and in my soul. Forever.
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I have that same fear. That no one will remember Hannah. That is why I share her story. Sterling's story is wonderful, exciting and sad. And it is his. He will live forever in your hearts as my daughter lives in mine. And one day our families will be whole in heaven. Hugs.
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