The Sound of Silence

So..I'm a hypnobirther. I was with August and I was with Sterling. Now I can appreciate what hypnobirthing did for me with August, but never imagined what effect it would have in the active stage of labor with Sterling. I started out by making my "Hypnobirthing Mix" with music that was meaningful to me and that helped me go to that relaxed place while in labor. I used it night after night and would fall asleep to the sound of our special songs and the feel of his kicking feet inside me. The calming visualizations really did help me get to sleep on those nights when my palms were sweating with anticipation. I was very specific with choosing pieces with just the right prosody and lyrics and drones. Just for me. Just for Sterling.

Of course I forgot the music when we left for the hospital that night I went into labor. Little did I know that the sound of silence would be so encompassing and any noise at all would send me into sensory overload. I wanted to shut my eyes and my ears from the world. I wanted to black it all out. And I did. Hypnobirthing 101...go to that special place. Boy was my place special and honestly, I hope I never go back. I had to wait for about 10 hours between the first moment of silence and when our baby would be born without ever hearing the cadence of his cry. During that time, I closed my eyes and pictured a field of flowers. I don't know what kind, but they were yellow wildflowers. And then the flowers would freeze over and the field became a giant snow covered slope. As crisp and white as the hospital sheets surrounding me. I was so cold. I was so alone...yet I wasn't.

Now, my voice is his. I am speaking for him. I am writing for him. I want to be a stronger me because of him. Here are some of the lyrics from one of the songs on my hypnobirthing mix. Its also one of the songs playing in the background as you read this blog. All of these songs were part of that mix that I shared with my son. Now..I share it with you. Be sure to read between the lines. Although the words are not mine, the feelings are:

The sweetest perfection to call my own

The slightest correction couldn't finely hone

The sweetest infection of body and mind

The sweetest injection of any kind

The thing you expect to be

having affect on me

pass undetectedly

But everyone knows what has got me

takes me completely

touches so sweetly

reaches so deeply

I know that nothing can stop me